I couldn’t help myself…
After writing my last post explaining our switch from breastfeeding to formula I was floored by the response.
E-mails, posts and comments made it clear that families everywhere, especially mothers, are not only left with the feelings of guilt about using a bottle but are also dealing with so much negativity from the outside world.
So many mothers had stories of heartbreak and just about all of us, myself included, have had to deal with the judgement and harsh words surrounding our choice of how we have to feed our babies.
In a perfect world I would have kept nursing Lucas…but in reality there were real underlying health/hormone reasons why it just wasn’t ever going to work for us.
The reality is he is happy, healthy and growing just fine on formula.
Is it the perfect choice?
No.
Do I feel lucky to have a choice and options?
Yes.
Many mothers in the world just aren’t so lucky.
As I researched it a bit more I found that I could google “nursing mother photography series” and come up with pages upon pages of artist who had taken the time to take some beautiful images of mother’s nursing their babies.
I too love these images.
I love the emotion and sweetness behind the mother and baby…
The bonding…
Those little smiles they give you when you are nursing…
Yes…I totally love those images.
It is not the nursing though that I love..
It’s all about the connection between the mother and baby that the image captures.
The everyday…lots of times a day…bonding time.
After my post I googled “bottle feeding photography series” and “formula feeding photography series” and about a million other variations.
What did I find?
Some stock images for advertising…
And debate.
Always the debate….
“Breastfeeding vs. bottlefeeding”
Enough already…we get it.
The message is loud and clear. Something about a mother opting to give her child a bottle is somehow taboo these days.
Smack me silly…never saw that coming 10 years ago.
When I had Adam I could openly feed him a bottle without fear of any on looker rude comments or judgement.
So not the case now. I am the first to admit if Lucas is hungry I will probably feed him his bottle in a car or somewhere private just the same as when we were nursing.
Why?
Because I have no desire to field the questions and judgement.
Just easier to have some peace and find a quiet spot unless we are desperate.
Still blows my mind that those are the same reason I always did the same while nursing.
Goes to show that mothers with babies these days are in a hard position.
They have just about judged each other into these horrid corners…
Breastfeed vs. Bottle
WAHM vs. SAHM
I could go on….do these woman not have a life?
What happened to being a supportive village?
Well I for one decided that the best way to change these stereotypes and judgement calls is to tackle them head on.
Perhaps onlookers have only heard the breastfeeding advocates talking points?
We all know them so no need for me to go over all of them BUT there is one that gets me ticked…
I mean really ticked.
The idea that breastfeeding mothers have some special attachment to their babies that bottle fed mothers and babies do not.
I stand by this fact….I have done both.
Normally the above statement will come from someone who has never even held a bottle…
Or a man who will NEVER be a mother and has no clue.
It is all straight up misinformation.
Straight up good old fashioned B.S.
I have three….I have attachment parented all three…well before “attachment parenting” was a hip and trendy buzz word.
Never have I felt that I was any less attached to my bottle fed babes than I was to my nursed for much longer time babes.
Love is love.
I had had enough…
Time to not just talk about how much bottle feeding families love their babies just the same as breastfeeding mama’s but…
Time to show it.
See photojournalism has my heart.
I have a passion for the mundane day to day activities we families do.
I love capturing everything….
the basic comings and goings of daily family life.
It is beautiful you know.
Over the last month I have taken the time to start photographing some of the most loving families who happen to be bottle feeding.
When I put the call out on Facebook I wondered if anyone would be interested.
Was it just me? Am I the only one who feels this way?
The only one interested in trying to change some stereotypes one family session at a time?
Is it possible that what you chose to feed your baby isn’t as important as the what you do while you are feeding the baby?
These brave families signed up and I have to say…
They amazed me.
All had stories…
Stories of love…
Guilt…
Struggles with nursing…
Reasons….real reasons…why nursing didn’t work for them…
Being judged and the harsh harsh words spoken by others…
New beginnings…
Battles hard fought….
I came away from these sessions knowing that if I can make one person smile at a mama feeding her baby a bottle in public one day that this series will be worth it.
This image series isn’t about “Breastfeeding vs. Bottlefeeding”.
This series is about finding a way to not sit in judgement of another mother.
Of realizing that parenting is tough enough.
Why must me make it even harder on each other by making it some sort of sick competition?
No need for comments or posts going on and on about why breastfeeding is so much better.
No this isn’t about “better” this is about “here I am…take me or leave me this is my reality. I have my reasons.”.
Am I going to share each families reasons?
No.
Why?
Because it really isn’t anyone else business “why”.
This is about the love…
connection…
cuddling…
daily life…the good and the bad….
the chaos…
the survival…
of each of these sweet families.
I ask that you know that they are kindof to let me share a glimpse into their day to day…
Amazing families.
Each day I will share one family and their sweet images.
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do.
As I sat up finishing the editing last night I found myself laughing at some of the images and then five seconds later getting teary at other images….
Emotions….I thrive off of capturing emotion and story.
I shall start with my own images of Lucas and I.
Fair is fair after all…
Wouldn’t have been right for me to not share Lucas and I’s time.
My friend Megan…amazing Megan…that is a whole other post to come very soon
I can’t thank her enough for taking the time to take our images.
God Bless her!
I am a terrible subject to photograph….I am much better hiding behind the camera.
Lucas and I have a routine…it’s called “fake booby”…
Yes, I know….very classy.
But we nursed for months so really taking on the “nursing pose” is really just a natural thing for us.
Often “fake booby” is the only way we can get him to bed at night…he just needs his mama time
We cuddle and talk…
He smiles at me and I make silly faces back…
I stare at him often and notice things like…
His hair is turning either blond or red or both?
His eyes are turning my dad’s pale pale blue…
Definitely not going to be Daryl’s brown….
We practice new skills…
Like holding the bottle and playing with the bottle…which by the way seems to make a fantastic toy he thinks…
Yep…I definitely don’t feel like I love him any less than when I nursed him.
Actually…if it’s even possible…I love him more and more everyday
Tomorrow…
The Jones crew
and each day this week I will add in another family.
And when it is all said and done….
I may just have to take the Spring and do a nursing mama series because I love those images as well…
It’s about the love.
Show Hide 2 comments
Beautifully written article. I would also like to say that I have done both bf and ff with my daughter. I lost my supply the older she got and had no choice but to use formula. For us, formula was the best thing for her.
I would also like to add that people will judge you no matter what you do. When I bf my daughter I got looks from all sorts of people like eww you are really feeding her here. When I would make her a bottle and feed her that I got looks too. It doesn’t matter which way you feed your baby you will get looks no matter what which is just sick. I guess we are not allowed to feed our baby any way.
The thing that makes me mad is even if you tried to bf and were not successful you will get judged like oh she doesn’t care about her baby she just went the easy way out….well that is not always true. I had no choice in the matter, I lost my supply and tried everything to keep it. I was depressed once I lost everything. I thought I was the biggest failure as a mom. My daughter and I sat on our couch and cried together for a good week before I realized how well she was doing on formula. People don’t know that story when they were giving me looks about feeding her formula. They just assumed that she started out on formula. And it’s not fair for any mom to be judged. Every mom needs to do what is best for their kid. Simple as that.
It’s sad that our society is so messed up!
Thanks for showing the real love involved with nourishing a baby!! This is a highly personal and private choice that mothers make – it’s such an invasion of privacy to inquire and judge any mother for nourishing her child. We used to exercise decorum and manners…we didn’t feel the need to confront and criticize people on every front whenever we felt like it. This serves as a reminder to us that we need to look at the beauty of choice and know that we are all entitled to make the best choices for our own families.