Well this happened a month ago!
The long dreamt of, drooled over and longed for medium format camera.
My very own!
My friend David Abel has been kind enough, over the years to let me borrow one of his medium format cameras from time to time.
I always wanted my very own but it has just never been in the budget. Especially since I have been on break from the studio for a year now.
I have been feeling like I have been out of the industry for two years….and then I looked back and no…it has only been 1 year or so.
It has felt like 6 years. How has it only been that long?
I feel like I have spent that time totally, completely, 3000%…. lost.
I have felt like a ship lost at sea not really sure what direction I was going….
I have felt this loss of identity and “Who am I?”
Maybe it is life in the early 40′s? That looking back at your life and going “Now what?”
I would love to start a little farm but that just isn’t in the cards…at least right now.
I have tried to find interests and a career that fits with the kids, homeschooling and preschool years…but have found nothing that “fits”.
I have gone to bed at night feeling like I had lost one of my best friends and missed them terribly.
Photography is simply part of who I AM. No way around it.
How I see the world and share it are just part of what brings me happiness…sharing the love of it is what makes me tick…brings me joy.
It is part of who I am.
There will be no changing that.
But I was soooo burnt out.
Burnt out of the loss of the art of it. The industry has shifted so far away from where it was when I began this journey. When I started all this over a decade ago, and in honesty over 2 decades ago, photography (especially running it as a business) was an art.
There was a love of the art of making a beautiful portrait.
Enter the digital age and well…it has been all about price and who is the cheapest photographer is versus who is creating a beautiful, timeless portrait. Clients began wanting, expecting, cheap images in the hundreds.
The editing requests often bordering on plastic surgeon levels….Pinterest making everyone feel like they needed to look like a super model in order to have a “perfect family portrait” when in reality they were perfect just the way they were.
Because that is what has become “the norm”. This was soooo hard for me. I needed this break.
A sanity break. A revaluation of how can I, will I, be able to make a living as a photographer again? Can I make this work? If so… how? What does it need to look like?
Can I bring the “art” back into my work?
The truth of the matter is I really have no idea but I do know something for sure after my sabbatical.
I can’t be anything, at least well and happily, except a photographer…wife, mother and gardener/nature fanatic. These are the things God gave me to enjoy and love. My God given “skill set” to figure out how to use it to the best of my ability.
This camera. I picked it up and it was like the winds blew back into my sails.
Fresh. New…old but new.
Shooting film was exactly what I needed. At the exact right time.
I have since added several to the bag. Complete addiction.
Half, ok more than half, of my stress with running the studio over the last few years has been the workflow.
Homeschooling and a baby/toddler at home are NOT conducive to hours spent behind a computer monitor editing photos, or spending hours online working social media or going to networking opportunities.
The time factor that plays into running a studio is a HUGE factor for me. I just want to go off on a session, have a blast doing what I love…shooting and enjoying time with my clients.
I may never have the 60-80 hours a week I would need to run the busy studio I once had…and that’s ok.
I actually don’t want those hours ever again…
And film…well it gives me back my time.
It gives me back…no forces me…to take my time and value each and every click of the shutter. To make a true and honest portrait. Film brings back the “art” of photography that I have missed so badly.
It’s simply what I needed when I needed it.
It gave me back the joy of photography.
It gave me back the “want” to revamp the studio and come back from the sabbatical. To start fresh.
Be new…learn new things. Fresh start.
Still working on the fine details.
But I will be back full force in the Spring. I honestly know that “coming back” isn’t a choice.
I am simply lost at sea without my studio, clients and photography projects.
I just need to totally and completely revamp.
2015…well it’s going to be fun.
Thank you David for sharing your love of film…I don’t think you will ever really know how thankful I am for your kindness and how you showed me what I needed to start find my photography groove again.
I never forget a kindness. It’s always the little things you do for others that you might think aren’t really a big deal…but they are.
Now to share my love of film photography with the world. Be sure to check out the new studio blog.
Going by a new name because who can say, let alone spell “Mccuiston”? It’s a good strong name but “Tisha Lyn” is just much easier
It is definitely a work in progress…I am taking this thing at my own pace and just enjoying the ride.
Right now I am booking up on film Portfolio building sessions and it has been a blast getting to see so many of my past and new clients.
Wonderful to be getting back into the swing of things.
And projects…well I am starting a new film farm project come Spring. Mixing my love of farms and photography.
Perhaps that was the way it was meant to be all along?
I am a believer that everything happens for a reason….
It just does.